XXX

Put this in the "I can't make this stuff up, folks!" category.

I have a friend that is a faithful blog reader, she is also an elementary school teacher. The other day, she went to log on and read my blog as usual and got this message.

DENIED!!!
http://beverlyhappymoments.blogspot.com/ has been categorized as Pornography. It has been blocked per your organization's Internet Usage Policy for group Public.

Ah.... WHAT?

I don't know what to think...it made me laugh so hard it has taken me two days to write this post cause every time I start to write about it - I just crack up! Now, I will admit that for six years I did work for a medical device company that gave me many occasions to blush, I have heard some rather "off" color jokes...I may have even told a few in my day...but this blog....labelled as PORNOGRAPHY? That just takes the cake.

Out of curiosity, I even wandered back through my old posts just to see what, if anything, could cause this ridiculous labelling...I came up with NADA! ZILCH! Honestly -- it is just laughable. And to think, my greatest fans are a Southern Baptist preacher and his wife of fifty-one years!!

I may have reached my heights of fame this month... I have a stalker and now I am a peddler of pornography apparently...better wear my sun glasses when I leave the house these days..the paparazzi are probably staking out my front door as I type!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Living Happily In the Moment!

Bev

Take Me Back Thursday

Take me back Thursday...and I am taking you right back with me to...1986.

Here we are the fearsome five. Tommy, Me, Abe, Sue and Chuck. We are at Garden City Beach, near Myrtle Beach, SC at the far end of the summer. It was a College Retreat from church and we had not all been together like this since Tommy moved our junior year of high school. It was fun, fun, fun. It was the 80's -- so that explains the fashions -- on us all!!! I loved these four people...still do!

Living Happily In the Moment!

Wordless Wednesday

This picture is at least 25 years old...I love these two cats! The Persian on the left was Kameha, and the solid grey on the right was Lindsey...weren't they just the coolest?

I want a cat in my life again...someone bring one and put it on my doorstep --- PLEASE!!!

Marked

Truth: I have never been a fan of tattoos.

I just haven't. The thought of sitting and having someone poke a needle with ink into my skin to make an everlasting impression of some design has never appealed to me. I have also never been a fan of tattoo on others. I will admit that over time I have learned to appreciate the tattoo as an art form. I have found myself a bit intrigued by the process of those who love tattoos and how they go about picking out a design. It is interesting on a human behavioral level to me to learn the background and back stories of tattoos that have been applied for specific meaning. I even have found that I enjoy the new onslaught of reality shows that chronicle people and their tattoos. It is fascinating mainly because it is far from my everyday world.

I do have a friend who has a few, more than one and less than ten, and while I will admit that I was not pleased that he has marked his body in this way and it was a shock to learn about it after many years of not seeing him, I can appreciate the meaning behind his tattoos. If you are going to mark yourself for eternity, it should at least mean something personal and because his do it helps me appreciate them as the memorials they are, rather than just some tacky ink on perfectly good skin.

Over the past month, really since my birthday, I have been contemplating the change I have undergone in my personal life. It has not been outwardly dramatic. In fact, some around me might not really even be able to detect a change at all. But it is there nonetheless. An attitude, a mark in the sand of what I will and will not accept in my life, from myself and from others. There are actions that I have taken, moments I have lived that I never want to forget, incidents that are so personal and life impacting that I cannot and do not even want to begin to share.

So, after thinking for a few weeks, I decided that I needed a marker on my person.

Now, don't get all hysterical, I don't have a tattoo. But I did stop while shopping in our mall and get a second ear piercing.

I realize to those with tattoos or multiple piercings of any kind, the idea of me getting a second ear piercing and attaching such a status to it might be laughable. But truly, I don't think I have ever understood the feeling of wanting to mark myself, in the way those others do, until today.

I had my ears first pierced when I was eighteen. I wanted pierced ears for the ease of wearing earrings, to be like everyone else, it was not anything but cosmetic and convenient. Up to this time in my life, I had not been allowed to have pierced ears, I either wore no earrings or clip-on ones. My parents were not fans of pierced ears, so once I was able to pay for it on my own and was of age, I ran to get pierced! There was no significance to it other than I had a wider variety of earrings to shop from in the stores.

But this time, this second piercing that took place this morning, has meaning, true meaning. From now until forever, I will have it as a mark on my being. Every time I see the stud earrings in the top pierced portions of my ears, I will be reminded. I will be reminded that I am a changed person, that I have a mark on my soul, as well as a mark on my body. It stands as an outward symbol of all I have learned, of how I have grown, that I have loved deep, and that I have reconnected with my true self in ways that will forever alter my view of the world.

I am not ashamed of my growth, I do not regret my many mistakes and stumbles on this growth path and I am happy when I look in the mirror and see the physical proof that life for me is forever changed.

Do you have a tattoo or piercing with a story? I would love to hear about it.

Living Happily In The Moment!
Bev

Conversations on the Way To Pre-K

Mom: Whew! I am tired this morning.

Hannah: Why Momma, you just woke up?

Mom: I know sweetie, but Mommy had to stay up late doing some work and then I had to get up really early when your daddy went to work. Now, I am just sleepy and tired.

Hannah: Well, I think you need to get more sleep. You just need to stay in bed and not get up until the clock says 8:30, like you tell me .

Mom: I think you are exactly right, baby. Maybe I will do that next time.

Hannah: Yeah, that is what you should do. Me and Daddy get way enough sleep, you just need to learn to do what we do and then you won't be so tired and grumpy!

Mom: Thanks, honey. I will try to be exactly like you and your daddy and get plenty of sleep!

HA! If only it were that easy! :-)

What's On My Mind

I am a facebooker. I enjoy it - the camaraderie, the community of all my friends, old and new all connected, sharing the ups and downs of each others days.

One of the most fun things about the site is the Status Updates. For those of you who do not know facebookese (yes, I just made that word up!) a status update is a block on the profile that simply asks "What's On Your Mind?" It then gives you space to say whatever is on your mind at the time. I update quite frequently, just random thoughts throughout the day. Most of my friends do the same...we also mark events, comment on tv shows, let out our frustrations...it is random and it is interesting to see what my friends are thinking and doing at any given time of the day.

So, in the spirit of facebook, here are just some random thoughts that are passing through my head. Hold on...sometimes the ride through my mind is a bit bumpy (as if you didn't know that already!!!)

- Why does the nail polish on my toes last FOREVER, when the same polish put on my fingers lasts about half and hour?

- I really want Danny Gokey to win American Idol...although Kris kinda blew me away the other night with his acoustic set...and for Heaven's sake...what has happened to KC (of the Sunshine Band????)

- Lorena Bobbitt is on Oprah...she is famous for ....will, if you don't know - look it up. Crazily enough, in 1995 I met her "severed" ex-husband at a medical trade show in Las Vegas. He was wearing a floor-length fur coat and had two "lovely ladies" by his side. Anyone a fan of Good Times...think (Caucasian) Sweet Daddy!

- I have two cookie jars - and not a cookie in this house.

- Peaches are creepy fruit to me... I don't really like them. The fuzz, that big pit, jut not worth all the trouble. Unless they are in a cobbler and covered with gooey stuff!

-I am in the midst of writing my first book...no, really, I have said that before - but this time it is true... I have actual work this time, a plot and even a few chapters!

-I am quite certain that having typed the above statement my writing muse will leave the building and I will be once again - blocked, blocked, blocked!!! Oh well, it was fun while it lasted!

- My daughter has spent all day at the rodeo...she has stated that she wants to grow up and be a cowgirl...I am a little scared she may have become one today and might not return home at all.

-We have lived in our house for 10 years. So far this year our fridge and tv have both needed repair. I am waiting on the rest of the appliances to slowly wind down, one by one!!

-For those of you who have been reading awhile, I still use Mentholatum under my eyes to relieve the allergy and sinus issues (that is a pleasant way of saying "I am old and have bags you could pack a closet under my eyes each morning!!") ---- it still works!!

- Summer is almost here and I need to find us somewhere to go for at least a "mini" vacation. I have beach fever!

I have almost burnt the garlic bread....and that would be more tragic than I have words to describe. I am turning off the randomness....

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Uh...Excuse Me...Where Has the Last Five Years Gone?

I registered my daughter for KINDERGARTEN today...pardon me while I "wig out" just a little!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Thank you, You may now return to your regularly scheduled life...

Bev

The Ripples Continue!

Isn't it funny how you go about your life, never thinking about how many people you touch or affect? Our Sunday School teacher talked about it a bit a few weeks ago, how what we do in our lifetime has ripple effects far into the future, to our children, grandchildren and so on. It does give me a reason to sit and ponder each decision of my life in a different way. Will I one day have to sit and explain to a grandchild why this happened or that happened because of something I did in 2009? A terrifying thought, for me anyway.

I look back at my own life, at how the decisions my parents made established my life and the people and places that make up my past. I shake a little inside at the thought that I have that same effect on my child.

Yesterday, through a series of emails I discovered how something in my past, connected me directly to someone in my present. I saw how a decision my husband and I made in the Spring of 2003, a decision that resulted in the successful, open adoption of our daughter in 2004, impacted the lives of a couple in the Fall of 2004 and helped open a gateway for their family to grow by adoption.

The details of the story are far too personal to put out here for the world, so let's just say it caused me to realize once again how the things I do and say everyday impact others, now and ultimately in the future. It caused me to think "what if?". What if, we had said something or done something differently, what if we had been greedy or closed off, what if we had not decided to risk loving someone we had never met, one move on our part could have made a huge difference in the outcome and been a big negative on the receiver's end. I know I am not speaking clearly, especially if you don't know all the back story -- but I am thankful that at least this one time in our lives we were wise, were risk-takers, were loving and generous and this one time, we saw God's hand as it moved on our life, the life of our daughter, and her birthfamily.

Yesterday afternoon in my kitchen, sitting at my laptop, I saw how that same Hand had moved over another family and brought them the same type of love and joy we have experienced, in part due to our experience. It was chilling. I had to share it with you all, even if you don't have the details.

What is the point of the post? Just this, we never know whose lives we are touching, we may never know. So treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. Be kind, be generous, be loving, be REAL. It is amazing how it can come back to you, in ways you will never be able to imagine.

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Gravy!

Marveling. Marveling at life and all its crazy twists and turns, that pretty much sums up my mood today.

It will forever amaze me how one tiny event in my life can cause me to write a blog post, and then for days afterward I can see and feel the ripple effects of that post on others and their lives.

Last week I had an experience that unhinged me – just a little. I realized, quite late in this game, that at this space, my totally public blog, I am vulnerable. I am open to people I don't know, whose agendas I don't know, learning about me and mine. It caused some hurt, a little unsettling fear and I found out that I may not be quite as tough as I think I am. So, what does a blogger do when confronted with this type of situation...well, we write a blog post of course!

I took that icky, stalked upon feeling and just poured myself out to you, my blog world friends. It became a “a what you see is what you get” kind of post, an open letter to whomever was curious about my life and my feelings. The process was therapeutic, you can read the blog if you choose – it is here and I have also added it to my sidebar, as it has ended up being something I am really proud to have written.

After I wrote and posted it, all I wanted was for one particular person to read it, to come out of the shadows, stop trying to guess about my life and those I love and feel free to just ask. The post has been read, but I didn’t get a response.

You know what, I don’t care. I am not a game player, I was extending a hand outward, maybe one day I will get a comment in my inbox, but it doesn’t matter. What did happen was that several of my blog friends reached out and connected with me on some deeper levels. I showed some sides of my life that I usually don't and it brought friendships closer. The experience has well been worth it.

I love the blog world. I have said it time and time again, but it is such a neat community. We are people who take the time to put our lives out there for the world to view. We write of everyday occurrences, emotional times, happy times and significant happenings and achievements in our lives. We have good and bad days, insightful and mundane posts. We read each other’s work, are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and over time, some of us become really close friends. I can think right now of two bloggers whom I have met through this process and I would consider them among my true friends. Here is the kicker, they are scattered across the country and I have never seen them face to face.

So this is just a little wave to my blogger friends; I am so blessed by your presence in my life. Mama Bear and Gang, thank you for reading my words, for encouraging me, for reaching beyond the veil of the blog and meeting me in other places. I want so much to meet you and hug a neck…maybe one day we can find a way to make that happen.

To my family and other friends who read and encourage me and even to the lurkers, thank you. It is my honor to write here and have even one person read what I write. To know I can affect your life through this space...is gravy on an already overflowing plate!

Living Happily In The Moment!
Bev

4 AM

"It's 4 in the morning, and I'm lying here awake. The midnight air is only occupied by the breath I take."

Okay - I will confess, I TOTALLY stole that line from a song. My friend who reads this will know and because of that-- I have to fess up, otherwise... you people know I would claim the line as my own!

Why?

Because every night, usually around 3:45 AM, my precious daughter wakes up, calls for me and I pitter- patter to her room, praying I don't whack myself in the head with a wall on the way. Then I spend the next few minutes scratching her back, soothing her back to sleep until finally she is snoring away and there I am WIDE AWAKE -- at 4 in the morning!!!

ARGH!

There is really no other point to this post, but to make a mark in the sand of time. One day I will read this and remember fondly these times. One day, when I am always able to sleep soundly through the night, no disruptions of precious beauty sleep, when I am alone in my house because my daughter is in college or worse, grown and married with babies of her own to keep her awake, it is for that day that I write.

I want to remember that it was all real, that all the the lack of sleep was worth it. I know I will miss these days and nights with my girl. It will pass too quickly, it already has.

I pray that I can remember this fact tonight and tomorrow night and the night after, as I am winding my way down the dark hallways of this house, trying to get to her side.

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Easter Pictures....Okay - So I Am A Little Late!!

Hannah Joy on Easter Morning, 2009. Where exactly has my little baby gone?????

I Just Want You To Know Who I Am!

I see you.

Oh, don't apologize, I do it too. It is fun to read about others, gaze at pictures, try and read between the lines of a life lived out in a blog. It is part of our nature, we are curious beings. We just can't help ourselves. I will open the door for you. Step inside, soak it all in, be brave, it is not a journey for the foolhardy. You will find lots of things here and what you find, I hope you will like and that it will cause you to come back and visit again and again.

I am just a woman. I live a fairly simple life. You will find happiness here, you will find joy and abiding love. There is a home and a family and a little girl that lights up our life. You will also find pain. The pain of loss, the pain of longing, the pain of love. You will see that I am the sum of all my years, that along with my happiness, the love, loss and the mistakes of the past are still with me. They have never left my side. There is a reunion here, happy times with friends and loved ones, love lost and found again and again. It is all here. There are paintings and books and coffee. There are recipes and poems and analogies for the difficult circumstances of life. I love deeply, fiercely and completely. If nothing else, here you will learn what it is like to love someone with your whole heart, to love them for a lifetime.

Life would not be worth living without music, and there is music here, lots of music. Music surrounds me, builds me up, plays through the pain and parties long into the night with happiness. I can't escape it and if you read here for long, neither will you. There are the songs of my childhood, nursery rhymes and gospel sounds and songs from other cultures, remnants of a life growing up as the only child of a preacher and an Army brat. You will hear the songs of the 80's, when I was in high school and finding out about life and love for the first time. You will hear classical pieces, songs I grew to love as a piano student. You will hear the sounds of the lullabies sung in the night to babies not born and finally to the one that came later, who can now sing those same songs back to me. There will be some "Fire and Rain," some Journey tunes, some classic rock. If you listen closely you will hear some new songs playing, songs that maybe the world doesn't know yet, but I do and they live in my home and play beside all the other classics in my collection.

Oh and yes, that beat that you searched for...it is here. But don't stop the search at that one word for you will have to look harder than that. Pay attention and you will find it. You will hear the rhythm, for it exists in and throughout my writing. It is undeniable. It is inspiration for my writing, always has been and always will be!

You will learn about failure here, about struggles and life lessons learned the long and hard way. I am not perfect and I struggle with my choices on a daily basis. I find myself stepping into holes more often than climbing the heights of life's accomplishments. You will see that I have dark and dreary days, days that cause me to cry and cringe and sit and write out my heart's contents. I am dramatic, overly romantic most of the time and sometimes create chaos in my mind when there is none in reality. I try to find balance, to search for those happy moments I so want to dwell in. This blog chronicles my life and it is so far, quite the journey.

I am probably a lot like you; love my family, love my dogs, love television, movies and love to laugh, a lot. I get lonely and I get sad and most of the time I am too vulnerable and open for my own good, but at the end of the day I find I have more happiness than sadness and I sleep through a peaceful night.

I am not worthy of it, put I am so happy to have had two loves in my life. It makes me proud to look back and know that through it all, love has remained and will always remain. It is truly the strongest force in this life. I have tried to break its bonds but this past year has taught me that it is a useless waste of energy. I now just embrace it gladly and rest in thankfulness for its presence in my life.

I don't know if I answered all of your questions, feel free to search more if I haven't. My life is written on this site, most of the answers to me and why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel are here and maybe, if you look close enough, you will find clues to those I love on this site too.

Dig around, ask away, make a comment or send me a message. I am an open book.

Thanks for reading. Come back anytime, and don't be such a stranger next time.

Living Happily In the Moment
Bev

Dreams

Dreams. Webster says dreams are many things, one of which is an ambition, a cherished desire.

I saw someone's dream come true this week. Well, at least start to come true. This friend is a musician whose band just got signed to a distribution management company. It is the first step in a long road to fame and fortune...but it is a great achievement. For my friend, a cherished desire is on the horizon, I couldn't be happier or celebrate the accomplishment more.

I know a little bit about dreams, ambitions, and cherished desires. Early in my life I wanted to be a florist. All I wanted was just a little shop, nothing too big or fancy, just a place that people could wander into and find a flower to make them smile, plan their wedding, or celebrate a life with flowers around a casket. I thought of it as a calling, a way to give to people and take part in their happy and sad times.

I went to school and obtained the appropriate degree, learned to arrange flowers in a pleasing way, learned some of the business end of it all, and then I jumped, head first into owning my own shop. I didn't want to take the time to learn the ropes through another shop, work my way through the learning curve, I was impatient, impulsive. I wanted to be the boss - and so I was.

Shouldering the responsibility was overwhelming for me. Ordering, estimating, pricing, financial obligations; it was all mine to handle and I was very ill-equipped. Twelve years later I can see it clearly. Then I was just stubborn. I worked hard, I put in lots of hours, commanded family members to step in and help me, it was arduous work. For the most part, I was stuck in my shop, alone, for most of the day. I had customers, even some large church and corporate accounts, but it was still a sinking ship.

I remember sitting and wishing one day that I could just be in an office somewhere working, with other people, gabbing, laughing, working on a project and just being able to go home at the end of the day, collect a paycheck and enjoy life. At the time, I was not doing anything really enjoyable. Even looking at flowers started driving me crazy. I don't think there was a happier day for me, than the day I decided to close up my shop, take down the sign and go back to the work life I had abandoned in the pursuit of my dream.

It was bittersweet. I am glad I pursued the dream. I hate the feeling of regret or not knowing how something would have worked out. I think God gives us dreams for a reason. It is either to use our talent for some greater good or to show us our true self. I am certain that my floral shop dream was a way to mold my character. I think He had bigger plans than just me selling flowers in pretty arrangements. I needed that dream to teach me how dependant I really am on Him, to weed a little of the impatience and impulsiveness out of my life. It served it's purpose, most definitely.

I have other dreams now. Some are big and some are small, but they are so different from the dreams I had when I was twenty or thirty or even forty. I am looking forward to the pursuit of those dreams, because to me, that is part of the fun.

Living Happily In the Moment
Bev

Things that Make Me Happy - On the www - APPLES

I normally don't link like this... but this post over at June Cleaver, just made me smile. As a woman, and as a friend of some really great single (and looking) women, this is the pure and simple truth. Truly genius! I think you all might enjoy the truth of this post. Oh - and I apologize in advance for the title --

Bev

ILY!

One year ago today I had a great lunch.

It was at Applebees; I ate chicken fingers and fries and drank a Coke. The restaurant wasn’t too crowded and I sat in a booth. Across the table from me…two of my favorite people, one I talked to nearly everyday and have for a long time. The other, I had not seen in quite awhile.

It was a reunion lunch of sorts and it didn’t disappoint. There was all the typical reunion fare, loads of laughter, sharing pictures, reminiscing on old times and sharing what life held for us all presently. The hour passed too soon, the walk to the car seemed more like a jog and the goodbyes at the end of the visit were too quick.

Sitting in my car, I watched both of their cars drive off in different directions. I remember being struck at how life comes in and blows us all in so many directions that friends getting together just to sit and talk and enjoy each other's company is so rare these days.

A year has passed and the friend that was practically a stranger on that day is now back again in my everyday orbit. A day wouldn’t be complete without a hello or smile in my email - and thankfully the times we are able to sit, talk and laugh are not so rare anymore.

I heard a song today, actually two songs with the same theme. One, a new one with the line “love the ones you love and say so” and then a much older and much more familiar one, “shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.” It made me think of the people in my life that I truly love, my friends, my family – those who I want to take the time out of my day, everyday, to contact, make sure they are well, tell them I love them.

I think, no, I KNOW you can never say it enough. I want those I love to know that I love them, always. It is the prayer of my heart that whether I see them everyday or once a week or once a year they knew that I think of them daily and want them to be happy.

So, Happy Reunion Day, my friend, you won't remember today is that day, but I do! Life has twisted us and turned us and I am hoping the ride is not nearly over! I am so thankful we are still friends after all this time, and if you are reading this before I have told you today - when I list the people I love, you are there, my friend, you are there!

Living Happily In the Moment
Always,
Bev

Wordless Wednesday

Whenever I see her smiling face...I have to smile myself!

Happy Wednesday!

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

I Want To Ride Out Every Storm With Her!

There was thunder and lightening and wind...and then the wind stopped and we got scared!!

It was the first time I can ever remember making preparations for a coming tornado. We stripped the bed, gathered the blankets, got the mattress ready to pull on top of us, stood in the middle of the house and waited.

I was glad my child was awake, even if she was scared, it was better to have her right there with me...I looked at the things in my house, all the "stuff" that makes up a life. None of it mattered - I just wanted my child glued to my side...just in case.

It was scary...even though we tried really hard to keep calm, I will not lie, it was scary. She sensed it...and then she did something that shocked me. I shouldn't have been shocked, I guess it just caught me off guard. My husband and I were running back and forth in the house, preparing and looking at the scary dark clouds and sky, wondering what was coming...and my child, in all her four year old wisdom, dropped to her knees in the hallway and prayed. She prayed out loud -- she did what we should have been doing all along. Her quiet little voice, shaky and filled with worry simply asked God to protect us, make the tornadoes go away and keep all the other people safe too.

He did...we were safe, never had to take cover and although the thunder and lightening were all around, inside, we were at peace!

I want to ride out every storm with her...she knows just the right preparations to make.

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Those Boots Were Made For Walking....

I am continually plagued by my lack of ability to write about shoes. I tried last night, again, to no avail. I was beginning to think I might need some sort of therapy to overcome this mental block, because I love shoes…why can’t I write about them?

Then this morning, as I was showering and getting ready for a rather busy day, I had a breakthrough. I am having a hard time writing about my love for shoes because in actuality – I HATE shoes.

Yes, that is true. Oh, I love to look at pretty shoes, love to try them on and look down and see an incredibly sexy shoe on my foot, but shoes as a general object – I detest.

First thing I do when I come home is take off my shoes – even the cutest and sexiest ones are relegated to the obscure corner of my kitchen or laundry room. My toes need freedom and the bare floor to feel “at home.”

I spent some formative years in Hawaii and most of the time I spent it barefooted. It is customary there to take off your shoes at the door; it is a custom I wholeheartedly embraced. Shoes were left at the door in a basket, waiting to be the last thing you put on as you left the house. To this day, there is nothing I like better than walking around my home, a grassy yard or sandy beach, barefooted and happy.

But, aside from the freedom of being sans shoes, there is another reason I am not really a fan of footwear. It seems that shoes always carry those I love away from me.

The shoes are the last thing someone puts on as they are leaving…it is the echo of those shoe-clad footsteps on a concrete footpath that causes my heart to break. Whether those I love are leaving for just an hour, the day, or weeks at a time, it seems to happen too much to me, especially lately. I find I notice the footsteps more and more.

Shoes…yes, they can be pretty, sexy, practical or protective, but for me they are symbols of walking. Walking through my door, walking out of my sight, and eventually walking from my life.
I hate shoes!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! May you and yours know the real peace that comes from this day.

Living Happily In the Moment,
Bev

It's That Time Again!

There was a strange phenomenon that took place in my world a few years back. I was working as a church secretary and there was only one other girl in the office with me, most days. We were very close, shared a lot of our lives together and were always finding things to laugh about. One of those things was my weird talent.

You see, every day, for days and days and weeks, I would glance at the digital clock at 12:34 PM – every day. Then we started noticing that I would glance at the clock again at precisely 2:34 PM. Even stranger, at night, at home I would look at the clock and it would be 12:34 AM or I would wake in the middle in the night and the clock would read…yep, you guessed it 2:34 AM.

I began to be a little freaked out about it all…what could it mean? Was it a forbearer to the hour of my imminent demise, were those some sacred numbers, the solution to some unsolved mystery, the numbers I needed to play IMMEDIATELY in the lottery? Who knows? I just remember thinking every time it happened that it was something to take note of.

I quit working that job, my co-worker and I drifted apart, and now it has been five years since I last recall seeing 1234 appear in my digital clocks. Until today.

I was driving and listening to some really cool song on the radio and glanced down at my car’s clock…it read 12:34!!! I almost ran off the road. Just now, I was passing through the kitchen and turned back to see what time it was and the microwave flashed a bright green 2:34 back at me. Chilling, I tell you! I feel like I am teetering once again on the brink - what could it mean, what do those numbers mean?

Please, someone remember this and if I die and you are still around…check to see what the time of death is as listed on the death certificate! Spooky!

Bling!

Well, I was not going to write about it. It seemed like just not something you would write about on a very public blog. But I suppose I have shared the depths of my soul with you all, I can probably tell you about this as well.

Throughout my birthday celebration week I have been given some truly wonderful and spectacular gifts. I have some creative friends who have risen to the occasion and come through for me...one in particular saw to it that my birthday week started early and while I thought that nothing else that would be given to me for my birthday could top that early gift...one did.

My Aunt, visiting from out of town, presented me with a truly unique and most surprising package on Tuesday. At first glance it was just a card in an envelope...a bit fat for an envelope, but that just made it more exciting to open ...what could be inside, a roll of thousand dollar bills, a puffy sticker, a wad of "emergency" toilet paper.... it was exciting getting that envelope open, especially with the way my mother and aunt were looking at me to see my reaction!

As soon as I opened the card, I immediately felt the tears come rushing to my eyes....no, not the sad or sentimental kind of tears, the tears that roll out when you are laughing so hard you can't catch your breath!

Inside the envelope...a belly chain! Yes, you read that correctly - I said BELLY CHAIN! Now, I don't know how many of you really know me -- but I can tell you - I am not the belly chain type of gal. That, I believe was the catalyst for the joke...at least I hope so. I mean, I know I have talked about a "new me" and waiting on a cool change and all -- but I am just not ready for the world to see my belly all adorned in it's new found bling! Quite frankly, the world is not ready either.

My aunt and I were having a bit of a girl's morning out yesterday, so as a funny, I put the belly chain on and wore it proudly through the day -- actually it was fun -- kinda of like having a little secret no one knows about ... except my Aunt kept telling me to show people...oh what a day!

It was a fun gift though - and truly memorable! I took it off last night and laughed again. I have put it proudly in my jewelry drawer and I am just looking for the next occasion to take it out and wear it...WATCH OUT WORLD!

Ah...the Inspiration Has Left The Building, Or Why I Should Have Gone To Bed An Hour Ago.

Well, I have tried for thirty-five minutes now to write a post about shoes. I have been quite unsuccessful...I think you should be grateful for that. Basically I just wanted to say that I love shoes...love shopping for them, really want only cute shoes on my feet or nothing at all, and that I am always on a quest for a new, fabulous pair of shoes.

Okay -- there - I have said it all in one paragraph...wow - that was some stellar writing...I am glad William Shakespeare and Charles Dickins are not alive to read it - I am sure they would be "quaking in their boots" to know such a talented writer was emerging onto the scene!!!

I am here all week, folks! (Did you like how I worked in the shoes reference in that paragraph as well... I am on a roll, on a roll!)

That said and done, perhaps my brain will be cleared up a bit tonight and maybe after a good night's sleep, I will be able to come back and actually give all you bloggity fans a blog worth your money. So until tomorrow...or until the bloggity inspiration comes rolling back into my brain...

Living Happily in the Moment!
Bev

The Party Continues

Today is another great one in my seemingly never-ending week-long birthday celebration. I have managed to begin the celebration last week three days before my actual birthday, received my first awesome present and then continued the celebration on Monday, presents from my husband and child and my parents and Aunt Nell arriving from Mississippi. Tuesday I received my birthday lunch celebration at Red Robin and later that afternoon I got some wonderful gifts from my aunt and parents as well. Tuesday night brought the concert and I believe I can safely say wrapped up the gift giving portion of my week.

Today I had a wonderful homemade country breakfast with my family and finally saw my birthday cake coming toward me with candles blazing and people singing to me. We didn't actually cut the cake (we had just finished breakfast for heaven sake) but I am thinking we will probably enjoy the cake soon...or at least I hope so. It is rather fun though, dragging out all the birthday rituals. I am getting to savor every moment and count my blessings over and over again.

This afternoon I get to spend some one on one time with my favorite Aunt and then we will meet my parents and child at yet another restaurant. I am having such fun, I really don't want it to end. I am sure the people around me are getting tired of the non-stop birthday fun...but let this be a lesson to you all. Declare yourself a birthday week...con some people to go along with your scheme and enjoy yourself on YOUR birthday! It is well worth it. :-)

Hootie, Hootie - Why Weren't You Hottie, Hottie?

I have been blessed in my life to enjoy music, on lots of different levels. I love to listen to it, love to play it and love to collect in it the form of cd's. Music is such a huge part of my everyday world it would be hard for me to be without it. I listen to it in the morning as I shower and get ready for the day, it is always playing in the car, cd or radio -- there is music in the air if the car is in motion. At work I am the first one to flip on the preschool friendly music in our room, when I tuck my child in for the night, music is the last thing I click on as I leave her room. I have music as my cell phone ringtone and a different tune to let me know I have a message. I have a closet full of sheet music and piano books, and lots and lots of cd's in my collection.

When I am sad, I turn to my piano to work out the sadness, wrangle it from the depths of my heart and have it come flowing out my fingertips onto the keyboard. Emotion can make me play better than hours of practice ever did. If I am happy, I look to the keyboard as well. It makes a happy heart sing! I can't begin to tell you the hours of pleasure and pain I have spent at my piano keyboard...it was my first form of cheap therapy, now, it falls a second to this other keyboard I set free my emotions with - the computer!

One of my favorite things to do is listen to live music. A band, one musician, a trio, makes no difference to me - if it is good music, I love to hear it played as it was meant to be heard - LIVE and IN PERSON! I have been privileged to attend some really great concerts in my lifetime. I love the feel of being caught up with a throng of people listening to great musicians confidently lead us into a "once in a lifetime" experience. To me, this is even more special if it happens outdoors.

Outside, no matter the content of the music, the concert is held in God's Great Cathedral...it becomes a unique happening, an unrivaled experience for all the senses.

Years ago we were fortunate enough to attend a James Taylor concert in Charlotte, NC and it was at a wonderful outside venue. The evening was extraordinary, a warm night, great seats, live music and the stars overhead. A music lover could not ask for anything more and for me it is a memory that cannot ever be recreated, except in my mind. To this day, whenever I hear a James Taylor song, I feel I should be outdoors to truly enjoy it!

Last night I got another outdoor musical experience, that was just as memorable. For five years, in our city, during the golf tournament, a special concert is held to benefit a local kid's charity. I have wanted to attend every year, so when I heard the tickets were on sale this year, I immediately put in a birthday present request. Lucky for me, the present buyer in my house heard my plea and I was given my tickets this year. There were four bands playing, with the headliner being Hootie and The Blowfish - of which I am a great big ole fan. I knew two of the other three acts as well, so I felt like the night was gonna be really cool. It was - way cooler than I ever anticipated! The temperature yesterday never got higher than 50 degrees, that meant that after the sun went down, it was somewhere around 38 degrees...and it was cool - more than that - it was FROZEN, or at least we were! We had dressed accordingly, had blankets and gloves, but the wind was whipping through us and by the end of the night, I think I had a glimpse of what frostbite must feel like when we tried to walk to the car -- OUCH!

The concert was awesome, the music was fantastic, the bands did not disappoint and by the end of the evening, even my husband agreed that the price of the ticket was well worth it all. It was an outdoor concert, there was some stars but mainly it was COLD. I guess now whenever I hear a Hootie and the Blowfish song, I will run and grab a blanket. It is a memory that I fear will not leave me anytime soon.

Finally thawing out and living happily in the Moment!
Bev

Gimme the Pimento Cheese...Please!

Okay - so this week is not just my birthday celebration week...my city is turned upside down and sideways with visitors and camera crews and yes, golfers. It is the Master of all golf tournaments that has landed in our fair city as it does every year, the first full week in April.

As a teen, I lived in the subdivision across the street from the tournament home. It was exciting, and back then, anyone could walk up to the gate, purchase a ticket on the days of practice rounds and walk onto the course. Now, there is a lottery and practice round tickets are just as sought after as the regular tournament tickets. I know I should not take for granted the many times I have gotten to walk the course, be in the presence of great athletes and celebrities in town to watch them play. I should be thankful for the many days I spent with my friends, following the "cute" golfers from hole to hole, basking in the pretty landscape of azaleas and dogwood trees. I should be grateful - I guess I am, but I am just not a golf fan...I fear the grandeur was lost on this teenage girl.

The one thing I do recall is the food --- very simple, sandwiches are the main item on the course, and most famously the pimento cheese sandwich. I believe it is known and loved worldwide. I am sure there were other choices but for me, if pimento cheese is on the menu, I don't need to ponder it anymore -- give me that sandwich!!!

The National has great pimento cheese, and in honor of Masters week, I made some homemade pimento cheese today. I don't know if ranks up there with what the tournament goers are eating this week,but for my family...it has been a great treat.

Here is the recipe...it is best eaten fresh and on fresh white bread. If you have some honey ham or sliced turkey - slap a piece or two on the sandwich as well...you will not be sorry.

*Pimento Cheese!
2 cups Cheddar Cheese (Sharp)
2 cups Monterrey Jack Cheese
1 cup of Dukes Mayo (if you don't have Dukes - forget it - just go buy some pre-made spread at the store!
1 8 oz cream cheese (softened)
1 6 oz jar pimentos (diced)
1/4 tsp pepper, 1/4 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp garlic powder

Beat the cream cheese until fluffy, add the other ingredients and beat until smooth -- eat!!

*This recipe is from Paula Deen's Lady and Sons Cookbook... it is AWESOME!

Happy Tuesday,
Bev

Happy Birthday to Me!

So, today is my birthday! I wanted to celebrate it somehow on this blog of mine, so I decided to do a random, 43 things about me...that maybe, just maybe you, readers of the blog, might not know about me yet.

1. I have insomnia.
2. When I see bales of hay in open fields it makes me happy.
3. I like watching entire tv shows on DVD - at one sitting.
4. I want a black and white kitten, and I want to name him Simon!
5. I have a messy, messy car.
6. My tongue is tied - which means I can't stick it out...
7. BUT - I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with it!
8. I always wanted to be a florist - until I was one...
9. I can make really good sweet tea
10. I have a friend who lives far away - and I wish he didn't.
11. I love to sit at the beach at dusk, listen to James Taylor and grill out - my favorite thing ever
12. There is a pain in my heart that I fear will never go away.
13. BUT My daughter is the joy of my life
14. I have a novel inside of me - just bursting to break free.
15. I have a weakness for office supplies.
16. I collected elephants as a young girl - I have lots and lots of them... I only know one other person who did this!
17. I took a trip to Italy in 2000- it changed my life.
18. I facebook stalk.
19. I have a fear of leaving my house messy and dying before I can clean it up.
20. I have a secret pact with a friend who has promised to clean my house if # 19 happens!
21. I used to believe in fairy tales...I don't anymore.
22. Growing up, I was certain that I would marry Shaun Cassidy.
23. I am basically shy and insecure and usually think no one wants to talk to me.
24. I wish I had been braver when I was younger
25. I love to play board games.
26. My favorite color is purple, although I like red a whole bunch too!
27. I play the piano
28. I love to decorate my house for every season and holiday.
29. I love to watch BBC America on television.
30. I have really curly hair - and I have a CHI (straightening iron)- which means that no one ever needs to know I have really curly hair!!!
31. My favorite food is Italian
32. I love to iron clothes
33. I have begun a love affair with...shoes! (Scared ya, didn't I??!!!)
34. My next car needs to have a sun roof...I love those things!
35. I love McDonald's - quarter pounders are the best!
36. I hate golf
37. I am impatient
38. I used to refer to myself as "Bev" but stopped a long time ago and went to "Beverly" but in the past six months, I have found that I am referring to myself as "Bev" once again...how weird is that?
39. I love to take afternoon naps - but rarely get the opportunity anymore
40. I feel very under accomplished for my age
41. Age 40, 41, and 42 didn't really bother me...but 43 does!!
42. I am in a constant state of chaos in my mind
43. I have finally found a reason to be thankful I am 43 today - I have run out of "interesting" things about myself....hahahaha!

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Let Me Introduce You...

What is it about my birthday that stirs up everything in my mind? I wrote yesterday that I feel like a trunk in the attic, well, today I feel like a pot on the stove...all stirred up.

I woke up this morning, after a night of tossing and turning and realized I missed someone, some people. Not just one, there are three that I miss. Three people I never got to know and for some reason today I want to see them, spend time with them, share them with my friends.

They are my babies. They were never born, at least not in the traditionally way, they actually escaped this world before they were born and I believe they are in Heaven, waiting on me. One day, I will meet them and know them but that doesn't stop me from wondering what they would be like here, if they were all with me now. My instinct tells me that I was destined to be a mom to girls, even though as far back as I remember I only wanted boys. Each pregnancy felt like a girl, even though modern technology had not yet confirm pink or blue...in my mind and heart, they all are girls.

My firstborn would be a young woman by now, I don't have to stretch the imagination to see her, dark hair and eyes, pretty, a personality that draws people in. The best of me and her dad. In my mind, she would be friendly and fun, impulsive, but smart, and lots of friends. I see her cousins and I can see how she would easily fit in the picture, the oldest of the grandkids. Family connections too obvious to deny. I have no doubt that she would be a reader, maybe enjoy writing like her mom and given my love of music I would hope she enjoyed playing it as well as hearing it. I hope, as I hope with Hannah, that I would have passed down the love of music to her. I played the piano a lot back then... I think she would have been born with a rhythm in her soul. She would be poised to take on the world about now, striving for independence, almost ready to jump out on her own and yet still not old enough to make it without me. She would be my shopping buddy, we could wear each other's shoes and try out makeup together. I miss the things I would have learned from her through all these years and the people she would have brought into my life. I miss knowing what kind of mom I would have been back then when I was a younger chick. Would I have been more patient, more fun to be with? I look at her dad and wonder what kind of father he would have been to a little girl then. I have a feeling it would have all worked out...somehow we would have all grown up a bit together.

Would she struggle in school, make straight A's, become a cheerleader or a computer geek? Would I have attended many school drama plays by now or would she have been more the newspaper and yearbook type of kid? Would she have experienced her first love by now or been smarter than me and stayed away from the trap of falling for one boy too soon?

If she were living here with me today, I think my house would be crazy...as I am positive my house will be when my sweet Hannah reaches that age and things really start to get interesting around here!

My second baby, I see as a girlie girl. Dressy and prissy and doted on by all of us...a few years behind the first girl and yet, I see the two of them growing up and playing together, close like sisters should be. She would be fairer...lighter hair and lighter eyes, delicate and funny, sweet and kind. Quiet, I see her as quiet...not really shy, just an observer of the world, watching it all carefully before jumping in, more like her father than me. She would enjoy playing on her own, but love spending time with her family as well. Today she would be a teenager, I wonder about her in school. I think she would have friends, just maybe a few really close ones, not the whole school. I see her as smart, especially in math and science -- and she would get that from her dad - not me!

I miss her face, the way it would fit into the family picture, her tiny features and sweet smile. I miss the stories she would tell us at dinner time and the things she could teach me about the world.

The last one, lost late last year, I only knew of "her" for a few days, but still when I think of the addition to our family, it is a girl I see. I haven't imagined her yet, mainly because today, on the eve of my birthday, she would not have been born yet...her description will just have to wait.

I have lost babies, and because of that I have lost experiences and love and people that they would have brought into my life. I know their birthdays, the day I lost each of them and how old they would be today. I see children their ages and wonder how different my life would be if I had people that age living with me now. There is sadness in all of this loss, but there is happiness as well. I know I will see them again, my questions will all be answered. I don't understand how or why, but I cling to that hope. And God, in His grace gave me a daughter...not of my blood, not born of me, but she is mine nonetheless. She is like me in so many ways, and she brings so much happiness and joy to my life it would be difficult to describe it. Through the gift of her, I will experience all that was lost with my babies. I am grateful and humbled and thankful for that gift. I never take it for granted, not one single day.

Living Happily In the Moment,
Bev

Finding Myself, Underneath It All

My life feels like a trunk, found in an attic, lost long ago.

I feel like I am finally opened up after many long years, the lid is thrown back, light is flooding in and giving life to things long packed away.

There are clothes in here I haven’t worn in awhile. Pretty things that make the wearer feel light and sassy. There are hats and shoes some belong to another era, but for some reason when I try them on and look in the mirror, they are still stylish.

There are treasures of a life all safe and secure in this place. As I take out each outfit, I am reminded of what it symbolizes in my life, there is the dressing gown I wore as a baby. I am a daughter, the only daughter of two wonderful, generous human beings. I was longed for, hoped for and treasured.

Next, I see a dress worn when I was a preschooler. Some bits of jewelry still cling to it. For me, it reminds me of my first taste of friendship. My friend, who is still a friend today, and I used to dress in these dresses and wear our homemade jewelry and pose for pictures together. It was an innocent time, one that begs me to revisit it.

Ah, the next outfit is my prom dress, it symbolizes that carefree, happy time of life, high school. I was a friend, a daughter, a classmate…I laughed a lot back then, cried very little and looked to the future with unclouded eyes.

Business suits are next in the pile, my early years in the corporate world. Trying so hard to put to use everything I had learned, learning about the ugliness of life, the beginning realization that my innocent time of life was over.

My wedding dress and veil lay in the trunk as well. I became a wife, took on the responsibility of making a home and a life with another human being. Seeing this makes me think of that happy day and it reminds me that although I try every day to be a good wife, I know, without even much thought, that I fail miserably – every day.

There are a few maternity clothes, not many, for I never got to wear any of them for long, they are the symbols of babies gone to heaven too soon, of motherhood, the elusive ring I tried to grasp for so many years.

I see the color before I see the sweater lying underneath the pile and I can’t help but smile. That bright aqua, the color of the ocean, the color of the sky, the clothes I wore the morning my daughter was born, the day I became a mom, finally after such a long wait.

The outfits are important to me. They symbolize the different aspects, the different lives inside of me. Mom, Wife, Friend, Co-Worker, Daughter. I am all of these people. As the trunk is cleaned out, I see one other outfit. It is unfamiliar to me, but it is pretty, it seems the right color and the style is classic. It is one of those outfits that can be dressed up or dressed down, depending on the occasion. I want to wear it, take it home, hang it in my closet, and claim it as my own. This outfit is one that I want to know but it symbolizes the “me” that I don’t know yet. It is the “me” that is coming to the surface, underneath all the other lives I live, the real person is in here – just waiting to be let out, ironed and worn. It is an outfit I am excited and yearning to wear.

A Master Celebration

My "week long birthday celebration" is about to officially kick-off.

I say "week-long" because here in the city where I live, the world as we know it stops for a major sports championship and every year since I moved here when I was thirteen, I have had to share my birthday with this particular event. This usually means that I DON'T really celebrate my birthday on the actual date. All the restaurants are crowded and more "expensive" than normal, lots of people are out of town for spring break, it is just not a convenient time to plan a party and expect folks to come. So, I usually have to celebrate it early or later or even not at all. One year, not too long ago, my whole family forgot and we ended up celebrating my birthday in October!!!

I am not complaining, really. It is kinda fun to have celebrities in town, see our name splashed across the national news, feel the fun in the air. Okay - well, maybe all that was fun when I was twenty...now it is just a pain - extra traffic, prices jacked up all over town, etc, I am a little past the excitement.

This year, I decided that I was TIRED of sharing my birthday. I declared next week, "My Week Long Birthday Celebration" and my family is actually going along with it this year. My parents are coming home for a visit and bringing my Aunt Nell. Aunt Nell hasn't been in here for a visit in over 15 years, she has never seen my house, and we have never had time to just hang out... we are doing it this year and I am so excited. I requested and am hopeful that I am getting tickets for a local concert on Tuesday night, a night out without the child -- sounds like heaven to me and we are planning a trip to a great landmark BBQ place on Thursday - all in all - it seems like it is stacking up to be a great week long celebration. I am really excited.

About a week ago I decided that I needed a few more days for celebration...hey, you don't turn this age but once, so I have tacked a few more days onto my celebration time. My celebration started this past week as I had breakfast with a friend, it continues through the weekend with lunch with another, a whole three days before the actual day.

Excited, you bet! I am not even thinking about the number of candles on that cake come Monday, I am just rejoicing in the fact that I have some really good friends and family members who are willing to indulge me this year and celebrate and give me the MASTERS of all birthday parties!

Living Happily In the Moment!
Bev

Did I Hear That Right?

Ever had a revelation while driving down the road? I did, just today. I was cruising down the road, singing a really old - classic rock song, having a great time, the song ended and the announcer gave the title of the song... I almost stopped the car dead in its tracks.

I have heard this song for at least twenty years, probably more. I have sung it, hummed it, thumped it out on my dashboard, enjoyed it. Thoroughly - all these years. And all these years...I have sung it wrong! I have heard of people who do this, I have even corrected several who have done it to other songs...but I tell you - I was blown away by the fact that I had been wrong.

Sure, you are dying to know the song aren't you? You all probably already know this, you will laugh at me I know...but be kind, remember, my birthday is next week -- I am old and getting older.

For years I have sung along to a song by the Marshall Tucker Band, the phrase... "purty little love song, can't be wrong!" The real words.... "HEARD IT IN A LOVE SONG, can't be wrong!!" I feel so silly -- I wonder how loudly I have done this and where all I have been singing this -- I am sure many people have laughed at me. I laughed at myself this morning. I must have really thought that Southern rock band had a real Southern accent -- "purty" -- not even "pretty" -- PURTY!! So funny to me now, so funny.

Well, here it is... go and listen for yourself...

Have you ever done that - gotten lyrics COMPLETELY wrong? Share - don't let me feel so alone and silly!!!

Living Happily in the Moment....Cause I Heard it in a love song!!!

Bev

Wordless Wednesday

Still in love with worms at my house.... this is a picture of Hannah and her favorite -- the Yellow one!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!