Never in my life do I grasp a teeny, tiny bit of God more than when I am interacting with my child.
Tonight, we met friends for pizza at a local "kid-friendly" joint. You know the kind, all you can eat buffet, an arcade room, sticky floors and loudness all around. It was supposed to be fun. And it was ...up to a point.
You see, my child loves arcade games, and most of the time, I give in and buy the tokens and let her play. But tonight, it was just not going to happen. The game room was small and CROWDED! There were bigger kids in there, I knew she would never get to play and the whole place needed a bath - I could almost see the big, bad flu germs waiting to attack. My friend and I decided almost immediately that the girls would not be playing the games tonight, so we thought up an alternate, much more fun solution -- ice cream!!
When the inevitable moment arrived, after the food was finished and my child asked to go play -- I said no...but I added that we were all going to eat ice cream. No sooner than my mouth had formed the word "no" did my child start railing against me.
Why? She had been good? She had eaten her food? She wanted to play and I was stopping her for ---no good reason - she was undone and proceeded to throw a six year fit! I don't think she even heard the words
ice cream...she was just too busy responding to the NO she had heard from my lips.
Needless to say, we did not go for ice cream. She was placed, "kicking and screaming" into the car and given a ride home. Of course, along the way, I spoke with her about her actions and told her of the good and fun plans I had for her to replace the game room, things that once she heard she cried because she was not getting to do...it was a sad ride home. She is always good about apologizing when she learns the error of her ways, so after a while, a sweet, soft
"I'm sorry" was piped up from the back seat. She was sad, but hopefully learned a big lesson.
As I was driving home with the saddest little girl in our town, I realized just how much God uses being a parent to teach me about being His daughter. Many times in my life I have railed against Him. I didn't understand why He let that boy leave me brokenhearted, didn't He know my plans, how I wanted my life to go. I railed against the injustice and only when I met my husband to be and saw the good that he brought into my life did I fully understand the reason why the answer to the other prayer had been NO!
I railed against Him when babies were not born breathing and then stopped coming at all.
WHY? I had been good, done all that was asked of me, tried to serve and do and be the right kind of person, and yet, those around me were getting the "prize" that was ripped from my heart. It was unfair, it was heartbreaking, there was no reason for it...until the day that my sweet daughter, birthed from another woman who dared to step out in faith and share this life with me, was placed in my arms. Then I understood, I could see why I had to go through all the bad times, the reward of THIS child was so much better than what I could have had, if my small, simple prayers had been answered my way.
Yes, I understand my daughter's tantrum more than she will ever know. I know what it is like to "be good" and expect a reward that I deemed appropriate. I know what it is like to hear the word "NO" and not be able to see the why of that decision. I know what it is like to keep talking back to the authority in my life and miss seeing the better outcome for my selfish, stubborn self. I get it, oh, I get it!
Parenting for me is nothing but hard. There has not been an easy day yet, nor do I see one on the horizon. Most days I fall in bed from emotional exhaustion, rather than physical. And then there are nights like tonight when I see it a bit clearer...and I see that God is using my child to teach me more about Him every day.
Tonight, I am thankful for a God who loves who loves me through my tantrums.
Happily,
Beverly
And apparently the wild streak is PURPLE!!
Our Happy Valentine's Day started off with ROSES for me (see above) and flowers and a ladybug for the kiddo! (see below).
Ummm...strawberries and chocolate! She barely saved some for her daddy to enjoy -- but she did save a little!
Nothing tops a romantic Valentine day off better than Spongebob and his Valentine Special. We watched it and Beauty in the Beast for a fun family Valentine Movie night!
and then I discovered what she was staring at so intently...
I am going to see Keith Urban in concert in just a few short months!!
