An Open Letter to Someone I Used to Know.

Preface: I have recently learned of a friend who has made a terrible mistake. This person has lost it all, and has fallen from a very high pedestal of their own creation. I am deeply and sincerely saddened by this news. Not just for the friend,but for all who will suffer the fallout from her catastrophe.This is my way of sorting through it all -in an open letter format. Thank you for indulging my very personal letter for today's blog entry. It might not make much sense to you, but it helped me actually get to sleep and put these thoughts to quiet.


Dear Friend,

I heard about it all. It made me so sad. Incredibly sad. For two days now, it is all I can think about. I began to reflect on when I knew you best- "back in the day", as the kids would say. We were young, carefree, on our own and living life. I knew you first as just a casual acquaintance. Then circumstances changed and we began a new, deeper friendship. You were the one, of the three of us, who I confined in the most. We talked of dates, good ones and bad ones, of hopes for the future, of practical, reality bound snippets of life. We encouraged her, the other, tried to change her life, her course, but we failed. Whenever I think of you, I remember riding, late at night, following the other one, praying we were wrong, finding we were right and then holding our secret. We should have confronted her - she and he were wrong. We knew it, we just didn't want to believe it. There he was, up high, on the moral pedestal.

You confined in me - told me your secrets. I won't air them here, it is not my place. They are yours and I will keep them as you asked. But you had dreams too. Bigger dreams than me. Looking back on it today, I see now that your dreams, were only band-aids. If you could get the right type of man, have the right type of job, the kids,the car, the house in the burbs, you would have it all. Funny, it seems you got it all and it still wasn't enough.

The story I have heard, just doesn't jive with the person I knew. Although you did become someone I disliked. You became - the arrogant, prideful, "holier than thou" one of the group. I used to dislike you - a lot. Most people I know eventually felt the same. Now I look at you and all I find is a hurting person. You never loved yourself. You were a hurting person, walking wounded with a hole in your heart. You were a little girl, trying to be loved. Why didn't someone tell you that money, popularity, and a Southern Living lifestyle would not fill you up and make you whole? I wish you could have looked in the mirror and liked who you saw standing there. You put on "airs' to make others think you were lovable - only it really made you unlovable. If you had truly loved yourself, you would not have been so selfish. You would have taken better care of all of your blessings. It means to me that deep down inside you don't really think you deserved them, because you just don't really like or love yourself. It is more hurt, than selfishness.

I think you got everything you wanted, and it still wasn't enough. It wasn't enough, so you continued to look. You continued to look and saw what someone else had and decided that would make you happy. And now, you, the walking wounded, have wounded more in your path. A good man, your kids, your family, your friends. All are hurt, because you are hurt. It is heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking.

I was your friend, a good friend to you. You were never the same for me, but if you ever read this, and if you ever need a true friend, I will be here. I pray for you and for them. I pray someone can learn a lesson from you. I know I already have. I hugged him a little tighter tonight - kissed the sweet sleeping face of my daughter a few extra times tonight. I am holding them in my heart a little closer tonight. Holding on for dear life, to the ones that give me life. I don't want to lose them, I won't lose them, for I have learned from your lesson. Nothing is worth life without my two precious ones. Nothing!

Friend, I wish you peace. I wish you healing. I wish for you a harbor in your storm.