The Circle That Is My Life

I tend to think of my life as a circle. I have friends who seemingly live life on a line. They had a plan as they were growing up, they grew up and moved on down the line, each life event happening, when and as it should, no troubles, just continuing forward on down the line. They didn't necessarily need to retain relationships or hold sentiment too long, they were and are happy to keep moving on, with or without the people they meet along the way.

I am not a line type person. Never have been.

I never really knew what I wanted to be growing up, except a wife and a mother. I had some career ambitions, but nothing really stuck for long. I knew I wanted to meet my true love, get married, settle down and have a family, the rest of it, was just not thought out. Also, at an early age, I started "collecting" people in my life. Maybe it is an only child syndrome, but I always expected that those who entered into my world, would ALWAYS be in my world, joining in the circle of my life and never stepping off.

Life being life, this of course did not happen. I had lots of opportunities in my early life to realize that not everyone would always be in my world, not everyone wanted to stay on my same circular path. This was hard to take, hard to understand and hard to reconcile with my heart and brain. But I did it. It took some time, but I did. I learned to accept that people do come and go in life, they make other plans, find other friends, and although the daily contact might change, true love and friendship can endure, even if it seems the line of life is straightening out and not staying circular!

Time has passed and as I look at my past and even my present I can still look at my life and declare it much more a circle than a triangle or a line.

This year has brought relationships back into my orbit that I thought were left far down the line. Ones who were in my life a number of years ago, people with whom I was really close and thought they would always be near me but who suddenly dropped off my orbit, are now, after all these years, back! Just a phone call or email away. Names and faces I haven't seen in years are suddenly familiar to me again. The circle of that time in my life is complete and rolling around me again. I could not be happier.

I feel circular in my work life. I am not doing the same job as I did a few years ago, but I did start back to work on the four year anniversary date of the last day I worked prior to my daughter's birth. And yes, being the circular life that I have, I am working at the same place, just in a different position. Another circle complete.

I used to love a yellow Labrador, he was mine for thirteen years, and now, I have another yellow lab to love, another circle complete in my world.

My marriage has been a circle, we had a whirlwind romance, engagement and wedding, and yes, we have had ups and downs. Through it all, we have circled back to where we started and we continue on this path together. Like my wedding ring, it is a circle.

I wanted all those years ago to be a mommy. I spent several years on a circular path to that motherhood status of hoping and losing and hoping again. Thankfully, that circle changed course and gave me the opportunity to become a mother just in a different way, through the miracle of adoption. The miracle of my child's adoption involves another circle in my life. We were connected to her birthparents through connections made in my family, even before I was born. The circles just never seem to end. My motherhood circle is complete and I am so thankful that there is an adorable four year old who has my heart, and we will forever be in each other's orbit.

Sadly, there are still some relationships that I am hoping will follow the circular path. There are still some people that I want back in the orbit with me. I am praying that someday soon those circles will be complete as well. I take comfort that my life has always moved in a circle, perhaps it will continue and draw these few treasured relationships back to me, eventually.

As I wrote this piece, I had a phone conversation with a girlfriend. She was talking about her life and how it was circular. I laughed and told her of this piece I was writing. Guess that explains how we have maintained a friendship over thirty years...we are both circles!!

Yes, to me, life is a circle. Sometimes that is a challenge in my life. There are times that I don't want the same things to come around again. Other times, I am thankful for the circle to the core of my being. The circular path I am on keeps those I love close to me, it gives my comfort and laughter and friendship and joy that I am so thankful to have in my life.

I am grateful for the way my life has turned out up to this point. The circle hasn't always been fun, but for me, it has been better than a straight line. I am glad that I don't live my life according to a time line, a goal setting agenda that moves me from point A to point B without giving me the unexpected joys of life in between. I am happy to live in a circle, to know that no matter where I roam, those I love and the familiar will always be with me. I am thankful I don't have to look back down the long line of my life and strain to see the relationships, the faces, or even the events of my past. I can just look behind, in front of me and beside me and see them all circling around me.

Living Happily In The Moment!

Beverly