I Miss Him

Up until about 4 PM I didn't have a clue what I would write about today. I had worked all day, came home and cooked dinner and was just sitting down for a few minutes to rest a bit before the evening activities when I saw something on television that stopped my heart.

It was a commerical for the emergency animal hospital where we had to take our beloved yellow lab, Jake, on the last night of his life. I can't even look at the place when we pass it on the road and suddenly, there it was live and in living color in my living room.

I have had heart break in my life, I have lost loved ones, but there was something extra poignant about the night I lost my Jake. I am crying even now, as I write about it.

He was thirteen years old and for every day of those thirteen years he had been with me. Through really great days and some not so great ones, there was always a constant in my life and that was my Jake. He was an exceptional dog.

The day he died he had tried so hard to stay outside, he seemed to know he was at the end and he wanted to be outside, away from me. He woke up that morning and couldn't walk. He managed to get outside to go to the bathroom and then sat in the front yard. No coaxing could persuade him to come back inside. I finally gave up and just sat in the yard with him. When my husband got home, we took him to the emergency clinic.

I remember sitting in the backseat just to be close to him (we had put him in the cargo part of our explorer) - I just sat and rubbed his ears the whole time. He shed a lot of hair while I was doing that - I still have that bundle of hair -- I kept it. His ears and neck were my favorite parts of him. They were soft and just made for cuddling.

At the clinic, he was evaluated and we were told he was in heart failure. It was sudden, he was in distress, there was no other choice for us, we had to put him to rest, give him peace.

It was the saddest moment of my life. I will always count myself lucky, however, that I was able to be with him in the last moments of life, to thank him for all the ways he had made my life better and to rub those ears and bury my face in his neck one last time.

I don't know why I had to see that commerical tonight, I have never forgotten him, but tonight, I miss him even more than usual. He was always my companion, my husband works a lot (too much!) and Jake was always there for me. Now, I have my daughter, and she is plenty of companionship, no doubt about that - but for me, I miss my 120 lb, yellow ball of fur. I miss his heavy sigh, his stuffed toys, his chewies and the way he would lay on top of my feet, cause he seemed to know just when my feet were feeling the coldest. I miss those ears, the way he pushed his head up under my hand to insist I pet him and the way he would lay on his back, holding a stuffed toy in his paws and playing.

Pardon my tears tonight, I just miss my Jake.

Living Happily in the Moment!
Beverly