Friendship That Never Dies...

I am sorry, I am going to talk about death again.

Today is the tenth anniversary of the day my friend Thomas died. I have thought about it all day. I came home from work and sent an email to my friends, who were his closest friends. I just wanted to check in with them today, say hello to people I knew were feeling the same way as me.

Turns out that tonight is the 25th High School Reunion for them all. I was sent a text from one of them that they were all together and missing his laugh and smile.

I think Thomas was the first real friend of mine who has died. I had known people that had died, been to funerals for my relatives, members of the church, relatives of my friends, even some of kids younger than me or slightly older. But his was the first death of someone with whom I had an actual deep, close friendship. It marked my life in ways I am still unraveling, even now, ten years later.

We were close friends almost from the day I met him. At first he was just a guy that was a friend of a guy I dated. Then he was a friend who I knew "liked" me and asked me out. When I started dating someone else, he moved back into the friend spot in my world and there he stayed for the next ten years or more. We spent lots of time together, he helped me get through a rough spot in my own world and through him I gained two very good friends and we share the loss of Thomas with each other.

Once life stepped in for both of us and we were no longer carefree college kids but adults in real world jobs, I saw him less and less. Thank goodness we had established a friendship that could bounce back into itself whenever we did see each other. It was always fun and great to see him and catch up on his life. He and I started dating our future spouses about the same time, we got engaged quite near each other and then we even planned our weddings for the same day, May 16, 1992. His was at noon, mine was at 7 PM. There was no way we were going to be able to be at each other's wedding. It was sad to me. That sadness was with me the day I woke up and realized it was my wedding day. Just the thought that someone I cared about was not going to be there to share it clouded it a bit for me. The person that had walked me through the trials and tribulations of finding a mate...was not going to be there to see me actually acquire one, nor I him. I will never forget the knock on the door early on that Saturday morning. It was Thomas. He was on the way to his wedding, but he came to my house to see me. We got to sit and talk and laugh and share each other's day, even though we were not able to see the ceremonies. It is the best memory I have of my friend.

It sums up what a friend really is. A friend will go out of their way to see you, if it is important, they will make time for you. There are no doubts if a person is truly your friend. The questions are answered before they are asked. True friends take on the troubles, joys, trials, heartaches, and happiness of their friends. They do it because they love, not because they have to or need to. I am blessed with many acquaintances in my life, many surface friendships, but when I list my true friends...the list is smaller, but Thomas is there.

Today, Thomas is gone, I can't have a conversation with him, I can't laugh with him, joke with him, cry with him or sit in silence and just be his friend. He left this earth before I got to say goodbye and it haunts me. I have tried to change my life and my speech and my reactions to people ever since that day. Whenever I leave someone that I love, I strive really hard to make my last words to them, words of love. They may not love me back, they may reject my friendship, my concern and thoughts for their well being, they may hate that I care about them, but I want them to know that I love them.

Thomas was my friend. He knew me, he listened to me, annoyed me, made me laugh, made me cry, trusted me, loved me, helped me, consoled me, stood by me, fought for me and thought of me often. His life and much too early death have taught and continue to teach me lessons. I have missed him every year for the past ten years. I will miss him still.

Look up the word friend in the dictionary...I bet you will find his picture.


Living Happily in the Moment!
Bev