Looking Back...

I've shared with you the things I am thankful for this week...but today, I am feeling desperately nostalgic and have now decided to share with you some things I am missing.

Living with my parents. I miss having a clean home to come home to...and clean laundry and a nice meal. Yep, I was S.P.O.I.L.E.D. as I was growing up - not ashamed to admit and quite frankly - I am not ashamed to admit that I would move home tomorrow if I could...course my old bedroom would be crowded, with the husband and the child and the dogs and the toys and the clothes and the gazillion other stuff I have accumulated in the 20 years since I left home...but I think I could handle all of that, for just one day of how life used to be...back in the good ole days!!

Working at the tuxedo shop. It was hard, hard work. We played hard and worked hard and fought hard and laughed hard and it was the best time of my life. (oh and yes, I did live at home then too!) I got paid next to nothing, worked twelve hours days during prom and wedding season, met tons of people, learned tons of life skills, lived and loved in an ancient, concrete building for some of the best years of my life. I would do it all over again without even a passing doubt.

High School. Oh - don't get me wrong...I am glad it is over, don't want to go back to school, but I miss having my best friends with me for eight or more hours a day, every day. I miss rushing home from those friends just to call them on the phone and talk for a few more hours of the day. I miss prom, Young Life, prayer breakfast, football games, pep rallies - yeah - just the fun stuff...but I miss the people I love being in my everyday life, more!

My old church group of young marrieds. Now, that is a novel in itself, but I truthfully miss the companionship we all had, it is one of the hurts in my life that I can't seem to hurdle over very easily. I miss the fun nights of Bible study, the Sunday night after church fellowship dinners, the trip to Hilton Head or Pigeon Forge, the closeness I ridiculously felt we were a part of, which time has taught me that we truly were not...but I miss the feeling of it all, before I knew the truth.

Dating. No, I am not jumping the marriage ship - been on this one too long, invested too much, and I might kinda love the person I am married to just a bit (shh - don't let that secret out!) but I do miss that dating time of life. The anticipation of meeting of someone new, the first hand hold, the first kiss, the sweetness of a new relationship. I miss being giddy with girlfriends and wondering if he will call. It was fun...and of course, I never really enjoyed it, cause I was always looking for Mr. Right (most of the time, I found Mr. Wrong!) but my search was driven and I didn't really get to enjoy the little moments - like I could now, after being married for almost eighteen years...but I don't want to be single and dating now - heavens NO! What a scary thought. I can just miss it a little, which in turn, makes me appreciate marriage all the more!!

VCRs. I loved my vcr. I remember when my daddy first broke down after many months of my pleading, and bought our family one. He tried to set it up, and being the non-mechanically inclined person he is, he quickly determined it something we didn't need and put it back in the box. My stubborn will kicked in and my mother and I set the vcr up and soon I was recording tv shows with the rest of the world. I loved the freedom it gave me to come and go, to work, or school or church, and yet still be able to catch episodes of my favorite shows, which at that time were As the World Turns, Guiding Light, Miami Vice and at one point, I recorded the entire mini-series of North and South. I still have those videos by the way, and just the other day, I saw a boxed dvd set of North and South and just smiled and walked on by...I saved myself about forty dollars -- cause I have orginal videos that are only about twenty-five year olds!! hee hee ! Nowadays, the vcr is antiquated, DVRs and TIVO are the rage...but my husband is not a believer in things that cost extra money (well, unless they were built in 1957 and have four wheels...whoa, did I just say that out-loud? Shh...don't tell him that one either!) so we do not subscribe to the TIVO/DVR lifestyle. If I don't see a program when it is on, or catch it ON DEMAND (that comes free with our cable!!) I am just out of luck. I miss my vcr!!!!!!!!!

Being able to stay up all night. I used to do that. I remember it well. If there was a show on tv or a movie or a group of us sitting around talking and laughing...I could stay all night - sleep an hour or two and then get up and go to work or school. These days, I am lucky to be able to stay up until ten. And if there is a tv show on at ten, you can bet your last dollar that I will be able to watch the first fifteen minutes, and the wake up as the credits are rolling. Getting old is pitiful!

Those are some of the bits of my life that I miss, most of them deal with my youth and I guess it is just a bit of the birthday blues catching up to me. Life is speeding by very fast these days for me. Thanks for the indulgence! Now, Granny is off to put cold cream on her face and settle in to watch the nightly news with my nightly glass of Metamucil! :-)

Living Happily in the Moment!
Bev