A Different Face

The last time I wrote here, I wrote of the face of my friend. It was a face that conjured up my worst fears and questions of faith that truthfully I know will never be completely answered this side of Heaven. Tonight, I looked at another face, one that has turned at least one of my questions of faith into acclamations of gratitude. I forget it sometimes, and it was nice to be reminded among all the other chaos in my world. Those sweet eyes, perfectly pinched nose and rosy mouth, the translucent skin, the freckles that dot her face all reminded me tonight that this is a face that I didn't know six years ago. This is the face that completes all my family pictures now, and this is the face that I thought I would never gaze upon. This face belongs to my daughter.

I was the one destined to question the Heavens, to rant and rave and plead and beg for a child...a live child, to hold and kiss and nurture and adore. It was a gift withheld from me for longer than most. I lived through my friends having babies, I saw children I knew from their infancy grow up and have babies, I watched it all through teary eyes. I saw people on television older than my own mother having babies, I saw couples having multiple babies at one time and young girls barely in their teens having babies. It hurt! It was excruciating! It broke my heart so many times that even now, with my prayers answered, the scar tissue runs deep. I still hate baby showers, baby dedication day at church is just not the place for me and even now if I hear of someone having a baby, I cringe...just a little.

But tonight as I lay with my sweet little girl as she drifted off to sleep, I thought of the contrast between her face and the face of my friend that has haunted me since Sunday. Two different people and relationships in my life, two very different faces and yet, they have both led me to thank God for the blessings in my life. No matter the question of faith each brings me to...the answer is always the same, His Glory, His Glory, His Glory. It is all for His glory and who am I to question the ways of a God that is higher and more wonderous than I can even imagine? I am just thankful to be able to see a tiny smidget of His glory in both of those faces that I love.

I am headed to bed tonight with the conviction that because He answered one of my questions of faith with the face of my child, I know he will answer all the others...in the proper time and place. Until then...I am just hanging on!

Living Happily in the Moment!
Bev