He Was Wrong!

Today is January 25th. Most of you are celebrating the end of a work week, start of a weekend or maybe just thinking how could Christmas have already been a month ago - time is flying! 

I am thinking all those things too, with the additional thought that there are other things I should be doing. I should be planning a dinner with friends and family, baking either a chocolate or carrot cake and wrapping that gift. I should be doing all those things because today should be a celebration of my husband’s 51st birthday. Instead, it is a day where feelings of happiness mingle with sadness and bitterness and I sit here and try to fling grace at all of it.  

My husband took his life in October. He suffered with depression, mental illness and a severe alcohol addiction. He didn’t think himself redeemable. He was wrong. He didn’t think he could have back the life he loved. He was wrong. He didn’t think he could be forgiven and rehabilitated. He was wrong. I tried to save him. I did everything humanly possible to save him from himself and from the demons that tortured him. I failed.

Today, I celebrate the life of a man I loved, a flawed husband and father, but no more flawed than you or I. I am thankful for his life, I mourn his loss and the loss of our future together. This is his day. But I also want to use this day to acknowledge that there are others who suffer as he did. I might be talking about you or one of your family members or friends. I want to encourage you to reach out if you are feeling depressed, feeling like you don’t want to continue your life, feeling like you are unredeemable. Reach out to me if you want, to your friends, or family, a pastor, a counselor - someone. Just reach out.  If you know someone who is struggling - YOU reach out to them.  Don’t think that it is not serious. Don’t think you can always check on them another day. Do EVERYTHING in your power to reach out to them and offer help. EVERYTHING in your power. You may ultimately fail, but do it anyway. 

I hope you have a happy Friday. I hope your weekend is great. I hope if you are suffering today, that you will reach out.  

Throughout the last few months I have been made aware of two great tools to help those who suffer and those who want to help. 

Write these numbers down and use them… 

1800 272-8255 - The National Suicide Prevention Hotline

 Or 

Text 741741 - this will connect you to a crisis counselor who can help you through the moment.  

Happy Birthday, my sweet Danny! We are thinking of you today.