I have spent the last few weeks writing, reading and praying about grace. It's my word for the year. I think my prayers are working...I seem to be able to apply grace in more and more of the circumstances I find myself in of late.
Last week I started a Bible study on Job. Fitting, I suppose...I am enjoying it and it has introduced a new concept to my daily thoughts -- Peace. Peace in circumstances beyond my control, peace when the tire goes flat and the bills pile high and the teenage girl has boy trouble. Peace. How I need it, how I crave it.
The circumstances surrounding my late husband's final year and the months prior to his death were the opposite of peaceful. The days and nights were filled with chaos and lies, betrayals, horrible, horrible times. I longed for peace. I longed for it for him, for me, for our daughter. I was in a battle against Satan himself and even in places where I should have found peace, there was none to be found, So when I think of peace, now, nearly three months after his death, I think of it as a blessing. A safe harbor, a gift that I was denied, but have been given in the last few months.
Having peace does not make all the pain go away; it doesn't mean that all my questions are answered. God's peace is different than that... God's peace gives us the ability to leave all that pain, all those questions, all the hurt and betrayal in His hands. He alone knows all the answers, He alone knows how many tears I've cried, He alone can carry me through this river to the other side where Hope and Happiness and Love wait for me.
Peace. I've cried for it, I've begged for it, I've worked for it and finally I've learn to just accept it and live in it. (but that's a work in progress for sure!). The excerpt I've included at the bottom of this post is from a book of devotions I use each morning. These two paragraphs have done more to help me heal in the broken spots in the past few days than just about any therapy session or friend or prayer time or crying session. They are truth...I cling to them.
Living Happily in the Moment!
~Beverly.
"Real, sturdy, lasting peace, peace that doesn't rise and fall with circumstances, isn't to be found in picking apart your life until you have underscored all of the components. You will never understand it all because God, for your good and his glory, keeps some of it shrouded in mystery. So peace is found only in trust, trust of the One who is in careful control of all the things that tend to rob you of your peace. He knows, he understands, he is in control of what appears to be chaos, he is never surprised, he is never confused, he never worries or loses a night's sleep , he never walks off the job to take a rest, he never gets so busy with one thing that he neglects another, and he never plays favorites.
You need to remind yourself again and again of his wise and loving control, not because that will immediately make your life make sense, but because it will give you rest and peace in those moments that all of us ace at one time or another - when life doesn't seem to make any sense. "
taken from New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp
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