But God...He Draws a Perfect Full Circle!

Oprah called them "full circle" moments... I call them "But God" moments. Had one yesterday and I just have to share.

I spent 4 days in October of 2018 in a hospital in Texas, holding the hand of my husband as he lay dying as a result of an attempted suicide. During that time I sang to him, yelled at him, thumped him on the forehead - willing him to wake up and yell back at me, hit me or cry from the awful singing! I cried, I prayed, I fasted, I didn't sleep, I felt the coldness of death - literally and psyhologically. It was hell on earth. Through it all I had a playlist of certain worship songs that he loved, and I loved playing--- especially during the long nights. One of them was Agnes Dei - Worthy is the Lamb...that one takes you right to the throne of the Lord God Himself. Every time I hear it I am immediately right back in Room 3111 on the ICU floor of Sugarland Memorial Hermann Hospital, Texas. It holds good and bad memories - but is my favorite worship song nonetheless.

In October of 2019, on the anniversary of his death -which happened to fall on a Sunday... I asked our worship leader at church to play and sing Living Hope. Because - after all Hannah and I had been through - the only thing we know for certain in Jesus is our ONLY HOPE. He has guided, loved, protected, provided and set us back on our feet over the past year. I wanted to hear that song on that momentously hard day to make sure I was "looking ahead" and not wallowing in the past. It was a beautiful rendition of the song - our praise band hit it out of the park that morning. It was everything I needed it to be.

Yesterday morning I stood and sang with the congregation at church. The new man in my life was with me for the first in church...something I never thought I would get to experience again. The 2nd song of the day was Agnes Dei Worthy is the Lamb... I glanced down and realized I was holding his hand.. it was a full circle, but God moment. God had brought a new man, a new love into my life. I could celebrate this song in a new way - apart from the sadness. And the 3rd song of the day was Living Hope - I don't know anyway to convey the meaning of all it - how it hit me during that service. The mercies of God. That He would see me through so much and still not be done with me - that He would extend the time of blessing to include a new man who loves me and use him to heal all the broken pieces. It is positively amazing how God works.

Full circle. Happy once again.

But God!

Living Happy in the Moment!
~Beverly