Struggling by the River!

By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
    when we remembered Zion.
² There on the poplars
    we hung our harps,
³ for there our captors asked us for songs,
    our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
    they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!

Struggling.

No other word for the past few months of my life – and probably yours too.

Worldwide pandemic, cancelled EVERYTHING, no fun, no church, no toilet paper - all the normal sucked out of our lives without a warning

.

For me – the death of my father. I am feeling the grief much more strongly than I thought I would.

Last night I was eating grits and watching baseball and doing some Bible study. I can be a multi-tasker at 11 PM.

Psalm 137 came to my mind.

I long for my old life. It is a longing that overwhelms me at times. Waves upon waves of loss can trap me and keep my soul sad.

I miss my old life with my parents – doting on me – doting on Hannah. She is growing up without grandparents. In many ways I miss my husband. That relationship of marriage – having someone to eat grits and watch baseball with at 11 PM. My child is growing up without her father.  I miss the family that used to live in this house – my child is growing up with just a mom who is struggling!

The life I had is GONE. There is no going back to it. My only choice is to move forward. I understand those Israelites in Babylon in a whole new way. Mourning their home, family, worship, the life they knew and loved.  

Don’t you? We mourn our church services, movie theaters, concerts, graduations, proms, stores, restaurants, grocery store shelves with Lysol spray. We are living in a sort of Babylon – our old life is gone, we are uncertain of the future and we are tired of this existence.

I think the Israelites were tired … “then on the poplars we hung our harps” tired of playing the songs of the captors. I feel that – I’m tired. I’m tired of looking for the positives, tired of the media and the doom and gloom that have captured our world. I mourn for Zion – Zion – the life before. I want to hang up my struggles on the poplar trees and just sit and rest….

Thankfully – the LORD is my rest. He is the sustainer. He did it for the Israelites – He restored them back to their home. They got a new church building and life began again. I long for the day that the hope becomes reality for us too.

I’m sitting by the river of mourning today – but I’m going to rest a bit and then pick that harp right back off that tree. I hope you will join me.