This morning I opened up my Facebook and was immediately shown my FB memory of the day. You fb'ers out there know what I mean. Everyone else...well, Facebook selects a random post from that day from your past posts on that day and shares it with you. You can share it with the world again or just revel in it quietly to yourself!
Today's memory was a statement I wrote on November 19, 2013. It was just me participating in the trendy "write something you are thankful for EVERY day in November or the Thanksgiving turkey will be dry" kinda post!
Mine was this:
Today I am thankful I serve a BIG GOD!
And you know what - on that day - I am sure I was. I am positive I meant every word. I am not the kind to be fake - any time, any where. I'm pretty transparent.
But you know what else?
I had NO idea how big God was at that point in my life. I had a relationship with Him. I was striving to do my best to serve Him, love others, be a good wife, a good mom, a good employee - heck - I even worked at the church just to ensure my priorities were all in the right place.
But was my God really that big back then though? I had seen Him work a miracle or two. I had a little girl living in my home that came to be there ONLY by His hand - no denying that...so He was big enough to accomplish that in my life. But really - otherwise - I didn't take much note of His EVERY DAY working in my life because my life was typical, maybe like yours if you are reading this. A happy family, loving parents, happy marriage, stable home life, roof over my head, food on my table, friends, lunch dates, play dates, movies, music, clothes, ALL the comforts. ALL the things that make us safe. I was that daughter, that employee, that friend, that mom, that wife, THAT person. Active in church, serving at church, know all the words to the songs - could sing even if the power went out and the screens went blank. THAT was me. Loving the Lord, but not really KNOWING HIM.
Today, just five short years later - I am COMPLETELY different in most every way. About the only thing the same in my life is the little girl is still here - only now she is a teenager with dreams and plans all her own...most of which do not include me!
The daughter that I was, well, I buried my mom in 2015 and I have lost my dad to dementia. I am basically an orphan. No parents.
The employee that I was, well, I am no longer working. I'm searching for a job, for a paycheck, for stability.
The friend that I was, well, that's changed to. I used to be the one that pulled everyone else together. I would listen and counsel and be there for all my dear ones. The stable, happy example that they could look to for strength. TOTALLY different now as I find myself with NO strength and see in every direction a dearly loved friend reaching out to help me - in so many ways. I am completely dependent on them. Completely!
The mother that I was, well, as I said - I am now a mom of a teenager girl. It is a scary path and each day is a new adventure. I am not as sure footed on this parenting thing as I used to be and I once was just one of her parents. Now I am the ONLY one.
The wife that I was, well, that is gone too. I am no longer anyone's wife. I am single. I am widowed. I should wear black for a year and never hope to have any more fun in life. I don't have a man to share my life with, to fix things, to change the oil or the light bulbs. I don't have mounds of male laundry, no one to cook for, support, love, hold hands with in the dark or mingle my feet with while watching tv. I am alone.
But do I still consider myself thankful for a BIG GOD? Yes, I am thankful for a Big God. But I know it now at a deeper level. God has shown me a snippet of His love for me. He has given me a quick glimpse every now and then through the past month of just how much He is doing for me. He reached down on October 24th at 9:00 AM and picked me up. He hasn't put me down yet. I have left no footprints since that morning, not any where on this earth. Not here,not Texas, not anywhere. My BIG God is carrying me... He is even bigger and stronger and more loving that I could have imagined five years ago.
So today, I can say it again and mean it even more.
So thankful I serve a BIG GOD!
~Beverly
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