My verse...

We attend a new church.

There are a number of reasons why, but one of the factors had to do with my child and I not being able to really worship in our church. Not for a bad reason, just for the simple fact that it is where we were sheltered from the storm of our life last year, where lots of people know intimate details of our life and the struggle, where so many tears have been shed and prayers prayed and so much love that we just needed to wiggle out of that comfortable place and get a fresh start. We landed at a wonderful place, it's small and sweet and the people are warm and welcoming. We are thriving there. Part of the appeal is that really only a tiny handful of folks know our story. It's nice not to feel like a sad victim of a shattered life for a few hours each week. I'm always ready to share my story, Danny's story, but sometimes it is nice not to be on display. 

This morning, after driving to church in the POURING rain and navigating a puddled parking lot, I sat in Sunday School and was hit with this question. What is a scripture that means something to you? Now, I could quote verse after verse that has seen me through this past year... I have seen so many miracles, felt the hand of God, seen His hand print and footprint all over my world...I could write a book. Maybe I will. But I couldn't make my mouth speak this morning. I'm not afraid to speak out - never have been. I'm the preacher's kid for heaven sake... I usually speak...whether I should or not. I used the excuse in my mind that my throat was sore, I felt puny, I didn't have much strength in  my voice and the rain was making lots of noise.  Whatever excuse I gave myself, this evening I woke up from a little nap and knew I needed to write this post. Scott (the teach) even questioned several times if someone else wanted to share. I knew he was asking for me..I just couldn't. So, if you are still reading this and you are from Freedom... here is what I wished I had said this morning.

My verse(s) is Romans 8:37-39

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

On a dark, dark night in Texas, Thursday, October 25, 2018 I sat at the bedside of my husband in Sugarland Memorial Hermann hospital. I had flown in Wednesday night, and took my seat beside him in ICU at 11 PM. I stayed at his side, holding his hand in the COLDEST room I have ever been in. He was dying. I could not do anything to save him. He had placed himself there by his choices, his path away from our family and from our God.  None of that mattered for those four days I spent by his side. I sang to him, cried over him, prayed for him. I prayed to God for strength, for mercy, for a miracle. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I was 1000 miles away from anyone who loved me - loved him. I remember telling God how alone I was. My mind flashed to Jesus on the cross, when God turned His eyes away. How that must have hurt, the agony of that for Jesus. And yet here I was so desperately alone and hurt but I still had God.  In the midst of that night, God gave me these verses. I wrote them on a piece of paper and taped them to the wall above Danny's head. I wanted everyone who walked in that room to know the truth. When he died on Saturday, I took that paper off the wall and laid it on his chest. I wanted to people who attended to him from then on to know the truth.  I had the verses printed on his funeral program. I had them read at the service. It is the truth on which I stand. It is the gospel for me and my child. It is the basis on which we can continue living. 

Before and  after that long cold Thursday night in ICU, I saw God move mountains. I flew into Texas alone, but a sweet friend/sister and her husband met me there so I was not alone.  Only God can arrange this kind of stuff. By the time the days were over this scared, wounded, desperate woman who felt so alone in a strange place was surrounded by friends who loved me and CAME to me. God arranges miracles. I'll never forget it. I hope that I never take for granted His work in even the smallest detail of our lives. Good times are coming back around for us - but I never want to get too far away from the bad as to not remember what He can do.

My God-fearing, God loving, hard working, sweet husband and the best daddy a little girl could have strayed off the path. He let down one boundary, then another, then another until he was far away from me, from Hannah, from church, from friends, from God.  BUT GOD, God never moved away from him. God was with him through it all just like He was with us through it all. In that hospital room, God was there. When the last breath was taken, I know where my Danny went. I watched him go. I know he is there today.... safe from all the pain and hurt and so deeply feeling the forgiveness of the One who died for him.  Danny believed that - he lost his way, but God never took His eyes off of him. He loved him... through it all. 

My prayer is that if you do not know the overwhelming love of God - the sweetness of Him in your life, I pray that you will reach out to me - or someone and find it today. It is life altering, the best high, the greatest love. It is something you do not want to live here on this earth without...and you certainly don't want to leave this earth without it.

Sweet Freedom family -- one day I hope to be able to share my whole story. Just know that I am not always this quiet --- one day you may hope I go back into my shell!!! :-)

Living Happily in the Moment!
~Beverly